We had our small group (weekly church group) round to ours tonight for a social. It was such a privilege to cook for everyone and show them where we live; our small group has such amazing people in it and we are really blessed. After we ate we played Balderdash, which is great to play for laughs; it was really lovely to laugh and relax with everyone and to see how much our friendships have developed since we first met on the Alpha course a year ago!
One of the girls has been having trouble with her ankle; she had a tendon injury that was inhibiting her movement and stopping her from exercising. Last week at small group she had prayer for it, and this week she reported that since she received prayer, her ankle has been completely healed! God is so good!!!!
God has done amazing things in this lady's life. When she and her husband came to the Alpha course they were separated. They got back together last Christmas as a result of doing Alpha and finding faith! It's so fun to follow what God does in peoples' lives.
I am struggling a bit this week with Norethisterone side effects: hot flushes, insomnia, giant boobs (!!!) & bloating. I feel so exhausted today. My wee smelled and I had period pain last week, but that has died down now. Tomorrow is my last day on this drug and I am really excited to get off it! It really hasn't been bad apart from the last couple of days though, so pretty lucky really. I am just about the most impatient/intolerant person though, so anything that is bad in that moment is THE WORST THING EVER, and that's how I feel right now ;D.
And tomorrow we have our INJECTION TUTORIAL: so excited it is unreal. Actually, properly, getting a little bit giddy excited. I'm not quite sure why; it's only the tutorial I'm so excited about, the thoughts of the injections don't fill me with such glee - although I am surprisingly quite looking forward to that too. I used to be such a wimp about EVERYTHING (put off my BCG injection for three years, no lie!), reckon I'm getting hard as nails thanks to teeth/mental health/reproductive insanity. It probably sounds a really small thing but I am so grateful to God for taking away all that fear I had around even really small medical procedures. He makes us so free!!!
And speaking of freedom, had THE BEST time with my Mum this weekend. Having my Dad was quite stressful and I was really dreading having Mum right afterwards: we have so much bad blood between us, and we are really trying at our relationship this year, which is an amazing blessing and privilege - but also hard work. But instead my time with her was the opposite of draining, and I can really see the hard work we are putting into our relationship paying off. It makes me really emotional that she would put so much love and effort into our relationship when we have not always got on naturally and I have been such a sh*t to her over the years. I feel so hopeful for our future. This year has been the first year EVER (well, in my living memory) that we have not had a fight! And it would never just be one fight, it would be constant bickering plus a couple of really nasty arguments (at least). This year - not even a bicker. Not a single one! I would say that my relationship with my Mum is where I most see evidence of God changing my life, and changing me, because it is such a intimate and personal thing.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Sunday, 14 October 2012
The Weekend & my Infertility Song
So we had my dad, stepmum, and little brother Friday evening - 4.15pm Sunday, and now my mum is here, having arrived at 5pm! It was a little hair-raising trying to rush Dad & co. out before Mum arrived: that was not part of the plan!!! Divorced parents, who'd have 'em. Dad stayed later than planned; Mum simply had to come today (of course!!!) - but in the end all worked out well and everyone is in one piece. Mum is in bed now and will be off - accompanied by her little dog - at some point tomorrow. And then it will just be us in the house again (bliss!).
My stepmum's health isn't great; it seems to be one thing after another for her recently. She is a very dear person to me; I've known her since the age of 8 and am closer to her than Dad. When I was 11, I went to church with her and decided to be a Christian when I was older. She's really different to both my parents, and provided me with another model of adulthood when I was a teenager and my relationships with my parents were really strained and awful. She's kind, generous-hearted, thoughtful, and such a support. It might be really corny but she's taught me a lot about being a woman over the years, and she's definitely a third parent rather than a step-parent!
I have barely had time to think about IVF over the weekend, which has been great, but I also haven't had much time to feel God, and miss Him. I can't believe I am on day 6 of Norethisterone now; this time next week it will all be about to begin.
We went to church this morning (hubby and me) and I really needed that time of peace in amongst all the rushing around. I had tears streaming down my face during worship, which is really unlike me!
The band started worship with what's become my 'infertility song', which was really precious. I love how God never fails to speak so painfully intimately, even in a massive crowd of people.
Three years ago, the pastor of a church we were visiting had a picture of the ICSI procedure. It was a small church and we were the only people it meant anything to; whether PGD was 'right' or not was very much on my mind, and hubby and I had been thinking about it a lot. He prayed with us about it after the service, and while he was praying, this song played. Recently, every time I hear it, I remember that prayer and that pastor, and the song is providing comfort in a whole new way. I also like this song because it came out in 2007 so it's as old as my faith, and it was one of my favourite songs when I first became a Christian :). It's called 'Everlasting God' and is played a lot in churches still.
The lyrics 'Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord', and 'You lift us up on wings like eagles' are reminiscent of Isaiah 40:31, which I love:
My stepmum's health isn't great; it seems to be one thing after another for her recently. She is a very dear person to me; I've known her since the age of 8 and am closer to her than Dad. When I was 11, I went to church with her and decided to be a Christian when I was older. She's really different to both my parents, and provided me with another model of adulthood when I was a teenager and my relationships with my parents were really strained and awful. She's kind, generous-hearted, thoughtful, and such a support. It might be really corny but she's taught me a lot about being a woman over the years, and she's definitely a third parent rather than a step-parent!
I have barely had time to think about IVF over the weekend, which has been great, but I also haven't had much time to feel God, and miss Him. I can't believe I am on day 6 of Norethisterone now; this time next week it will all be about to begin.
We went to church this morning (hubby and me) and I really needed that time of peace in amongst all the rushing around. I had tears streaming down my face during worship, which is really unlike me!
The band started worship with what's become my 'infertility song', which was really precious. I love how God never fails to speak so painfully intimately, even in a massive crowd of people.
Three years ago, the pastor of a church we were visiting had a picture of the ICSI procedure. It was a small church and we were the only people it meant anything to; whether PGD was 'right' or not was very much on my mind, and hubby and I had been thinking about it a lot. He prayed with us about it after the service, and while he was praying, this song played. Recently, every time I hear it, I remember that prayer and that pastor, and the song is providing comfort in a whole new way. I also like this song because it came out in 2007 so it's as old as my faith, and it was one of my favourite songs when I first became a Christian :). It's called 'Everlasting God' and is played a lot in churches still.
The lyrics 'Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord', and 'You lift us up on wings like eagles' are reminiscent of Isaiah 40:31, which I love:
But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Friday, 12 October 2012
Updates - Am Now Up One Job!!!
IVF Update
My smear result came through normal today so we are officially good to go...
It's CD22 and day 4 on Norethisterone. Side effects so far are period cramps (lower back), smelly wee, and hot flushes. I haven't read the side effects leaflet because I freak myself out with them, and I tend to get all the side effects listed, which I figured might be psychologically induced. Hoping the period pain will die down a bit because it's pretty bad this evening and I don't fancy 6 more days of it.
Job Update
Ta-da! I have been offered a job! God is so good and amazing!!!! I so need this encouragement at the moment, and He is so good to bless me in this way! He is reminding me of His goodness with every. single. little. thing. at the moment, and I am blown away by His attention to detail and general care and love for me. It all makes me feel so safe and fearless!
The circumstances of getting the job were really obviously God as well, because there were a lot of similarities to when I last interviewed for jobs (and got my last job) - five years ago this month (five = period of grace).
I had a feeling I would get the job I did because it was the second job I interviewed for (five years ago I got the second job); I wasn't even sure whether to apply for it because instinctively - before going there - I didn't want to work there (same as with the job I got five years ago), and then when I did visit the place at interview, I loved it and really wanted to work there (same as five years ago). I had a lovely time at the first interview; the people were lovely and really put me at ease, and the place had a nice atmosphere; but I had a really strong feeling that I wouldn't get the job; something didn't feel right. It was a few too many hours; it was difficult to get to; I would have had to work Sundays, at least for a bit; and it wasn't in the area I really wanted to be in. And after the second interview I thought 'this is the job for me'. I felt a bit mad thinking all of this - why would I hear God so clearly on it? - but then it all worked out exactly as I thought He was saying, so I am beyond encouraged and grateful to Him. After I had the call to say I'd got it, my husband said he'd had a dream the night before that I got it, which really encourages us about the dream he had last weekend! The job itself seems to fit all my needs really well, and I am really excited to start!!! God is SO good! (Did I mention He is good?! Lol!)
Also I'm really encouraged because the feedback from both interviews was really good. Five years ago, the feedback I got was about how obviously nervous I was; this time I didn't feel particularly nervous at all, in either interview! It was totally blessed! I struggle so badly with nerves a lot of the time, and yet I enjoyed myself (is that crazy to say?!) in both interviews. Bonkers. Even the job I didn't get fed back so well; the lady said I was 'lovely' three times, how well they thought I'd get on with the team, how well I scored on some of the questions, how high the standard was, and how they'd encourage me to apply again. I came off the phone on a complete high, despite just having had a rejection!! She said the areas I scored low on were areas I didn't have experience of (up-selling, locking-up), and that the girl who got the job had experience in those areas. It was just such lovely feedback, I was so touched she took the effort to be so encouraging, and it has made that interview such a lovely memory to look back on.
Anyway, really rambling on a lot now, but I am just so blown away by all God has done in the past five years. He has done so much in my life and He blesses me so abundantly. The same verse I wrote about a few months ago comes to mind (Ephesians 3:20):
Facebook
So I have been feeling for a while like the Lord might be asking me to deactivate my Facebook account for a bit; this week He has blatantly confirmed that. We have my dad, stepmum, and little brother staying tonight until Sunday, and then my mum staying Sunday night, so I probably won't get around to it until Monday (having had my account over 5 years I don't really feel right rushing it; I want to say goodbye - even if it's just for a bit!).
Facebook hasn't been doing me any good for a while; earlier this year when I was getting really down about being infertile, I spent a lot of time obsessing over which of my FB friends have kids yet and how old people were when they had their kids. Recently this has turned into fearing I am going to see a pregnancy announcement every time I go on. From other peoples' experiences with infertility, I know this is totally normal, but I don't want to be an obsessive and jealous person and I really need a break.
Also, more recently, I have found that my Facebook support groups (IVF PGD support group, IVF support group, general balanced translocation support group) are causing me a lot of anxiety, as I worry about all the things that can go wrong from seeing other peoples' experiences, and it is totally distracting me from having faith and trust in God. I miss the 11,22 support group (that one is very different in nature and not anxiety inducing) but it will still be there in the future!
I use the Fertility Friends forum a bit; I find it a lot easier not to get over involved with that one. I think because it is so large and has so many threads, it is easy to find one's own niche: I only follow the one thread, and that doesn't see much action, so it is very unintrusive. I have met some ladies through Fertility Friends who have been a real blessing. Last month I met up with a girl from there in person: but that is a story for another day as I am tired, and that was an exciting God thing so I want to do it justice.
My smear result came through normal today so we are officially good to go...
It's CD22 and day 4 on Norethisterone. Side effects so far are period cramps (lower back), smelly wee, and hot flushes. I haven't read the side effects leaflet because I freak myself out with them, and I tend to get all the side effects listed, which I figured might be psychologically induced. Hoping the period pain will die down a bit because it's pretty bad this evening and I don't fancy 6 more days of it.
Job Update
Ta-da! I have been offered a job! God is so good and amazing!!!! I so need this encouragement at the moment, and He is so good to bless me in this way! He is reminding me of His goodness with every. single. little. thing. at the moment, and I am blown away by His attention to detail and general care and love for me. It all makes me feel so safe and fearless!
The circumstances of getting the job were really obviously God as well, because there were a lot of similarities to when I last interviewed for jobs (and got my last job) - five years ago this month (five = period of grace).
I had a feeling I would get the job I did because it was the second job I interviewed for (five years ago I got the second job); I wasn't even sure whether to apply for it because instinctively - before going there - I didn't want to work there (same as with the job I got five years ago), and then when I did visit the place at interview, I loved it and really wanted to work there (same as five years ago). I had a lovely time at the first interview; the people were lovely and really put me at ease, and the place had a nice atmosphere; but I had a really strong feeling that I wouldn't get the job; something didn't feel right. It was a few too many hours; it was difficult to get to; I would have had to work Sundays, at least for a bit; and it wasn't in the area I really wanted to be in. And after the second interview I thought 'this is the job for me'. I felt a bit mad thinking all of this - why would I hear God so clearly on it? - but then it all worked out exactly as I thought He was saying, so I am beyond encouraged and grateful to Him. After I had the call to say I'd got it, my husband said he'd had a dream the night before that I got it, which really encourages us about the dream he had last weekend! The job itself seems to fit all my needs really well, and I am really excited to start!!! God is SO good! (Did I mention He is good?! Lol!)
Also I'm really encouraged because the feedback from both interviews was really good. Five years ago, the feedback I got was about how obviously nervous I was; this time I didn't feel particularly nervous at all, in either interview! It was totally blessed! I struggle so badly with nerves a lot of the time, and yet I enjoyed myself (is that crazy to say?!) in both interviews. Bonkers. Even the job I didn't get fed back so well; the lady said I was 'lovely' three times, how well they thought I'd get on with the team, how well I scored on some of the questions, how high the standard was, and how they'd encourage me to apply again. I came off the phone on a complete high, despite just having had a rejection!! She said the areas I scored low on were areas I didn't have experience of (up-selling, locking-up), and that the girl who got the job had experience in those areas. It was just such lovely feedback, I was so touched she took the effort to be so encouraging, and it has made that interview such a lovely memory to look back on.
Anyway, really rambling on a lot now, but I am just so blown away by all God has done in the past five years. He has done so much in my life and He blesses me so abundantly. The same verse I wrote about a few months ago comes to mind (Ephesians 3:20):
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within usImmeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine! Honestly, why on earth do I ever doubt He can provide me with all I need? He is so surprising and so exciting.
So I have been feeling for a while like the Lord might be asking me to deactivate my Facebook account for a bit; this week He has blatantly confirmed that. We have my dad, stepmum, and little brother staying tonight until Sunday, and then my mum staying Sunday night, so I probably won't get around to it until Monday (having had my account over 5 years I don't really feel right rushing it; I want to say goodbye - even if it's just for a bit!).
Facebook hasn't been doing me any good for a while; earlier this year when I was getting really down about being infertile, I spent a lot of time obsessing over which of my FB friends have kids yet and how old people were when they had their kids. Recently this has turned into fearing I am going to see a pregnancy announcement every time I go on. From other peoples' experiences with infertility, I know this is totally normal, but I don't want to be an obsessive and jealous person and I really need a break.
Also, more recently, I have found that my Facebook support groups (IVF PGD support group, IVF support group, general balanced translocation support group) are causing me a lot of anxiety, as I worry about all the things that can go wrong from seeing other peoples' experiences, and it is totally distracting me from having faith and trust in God. I miss the 11,22 support group (that one is very different in nature and not anxiety inducing) but it will still be there in the future!
I use the Fertility Friends forum a bit; I find it a lot easier not to get over involved with that one. I think because it is so large and has so many threads, it is easy to find one's own niche: I only follow the one thread, and that doesn't see much action, so it is very unintrusive. I have met some ladies through Fertility Friends who have been a real blessing. Last month I met up with a girl from there in person: but that is a story for another day as I am tired, and that was an exciting God thing so I want to do it justice.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
Updates
IVF Progress
It's CD18 (cycle day 18): I started Norethisterone this moring.
Really feeling very unprepared and nervous at the moment! Stepping forward in faith, and that means more than it ever has done before. Been listening to lots of worship music (and singing embarrassingly loudly) while doing the washing up and cooking, keeping up with daily Bible study as often as possible, and also have started a lovely book called 'The Father Heart of God'. All of these things are really helping me to chill out, relax, and keep my focus where it needs to be.
Had my thyroid function results back yesterday; my TSH level is 0.19, which is a little low, so Maha (our consultant at Care) has recommended dropping my thyroxine dose from 100mg to 75, and then retesting blood in a month (when I will be in the middle of cycling.... Whaaaaaat?! How did that come round so quickly?!).
Also had a smear test last Wednesday; waiting on results of that as final OK that we are good to go ahead with this cycle. Clinics like you to be up to date on smears before doing IVF treatment.
Other Updates
I had one job interview last Friday and another one this morning (2 different jobs). The one last Friday was my first for five years, and I was sooooo nervous! Less nervous than when I started volunteering last year though, and I think a lot less nervous than the job interviews I had five years ago, so that was really good and reassuring. I'm waiting to hear sometime today about the first job, and tomorrow about the second job. It would be really nice to have a new job to start to take my mind off treatment, and both are part-time and would fit really well around hospital visits, but I am totally trusting God with this one. The last job I did (I can't believe I started that five years ago now!) was so perfect and divinely appointed that it was actually one of the things that started me believing in Him, so it's a lot easier, and comes much more naturally to me, to trust Him with jobs than trusting Him with our future family does.
With both job interviews, my hubby has prayed for me the night before, and I have really appreciated that and have found it helps me sleep a lot better and generally feel a lot calmer. I was a bit more freaked out today than I was on Friday, because today's interview coincided with starting Norethisterone, which makes IVF seem so real, so I went to the loo just before the interview, thanked Jesus that we can call on him, and welcomed the Holy Spirit's presence... I instantly felt so calm, and now that the interview is over, I feel a bit better about impending IVF as well.
Our little doggy has also been under the weather for a few days; he has a nasty cut to his face which he has been scratching and licking incessantly, so we are getting him a cone this evening! Poor little dude!
It's CD18 (cycle day 18): I started Norethisterone this moring.
Really feeling very unprepared and nervous at the moment! Stepping forward in faith, and that means more than it ever has done before. Been listening to lots of worship music (and singing embarrassingly loudly) while doing the washing up and cooking, keeping up with daily Bible study as often as possible, and also have started a lovely book called 'The Father Heart of God'. All of these things are really helping me to chill out, relax, and keep my focus where it needs to be.
Had my thyroid function results back yesterday; my TSH level is 0.19, which is a little low, so Maha (our consultant at Care) has recommended dropping my thyroxine dose from 100mg to 75, and then retesting blood in a month (when I will be in the middle of cycling.... Whaaaaaat?! How did that come round so quickly?!).
Also had a smear test last Wednesday; waiting on results of that as final OK that we are good to go ahead with this cycle. Clinics like you to be up to date on smears before doing IVF treatment.
Other Updates
I had one job interview last Friday and another one this morning (2 different jobs). The one last Friday was my first for five years, and I was sooooo nervous! Less nervous than when I started volunteering last year though, and I think a lot less nervous than the job interviews I had five years ago, so that was really good and reassuring. I'm waiting to hear sometime today about the first job, and tomorrow about the second job. It would be really nice to have a new job to start to take my mind off treatment, and both are part-time and would fit really well around hospital visits, but I am totally trusting God with this one. The last job I did (I can't believe I started that five years ago now!) was so perfect and divinely appointed that it was actually one of the things that started me believing in Him, so it's a lot easier, and comes much more naturally to me, to trust Him with jobs than trusting Him with our future family does.
With both job interviews, my hubby has prayed for me the night before, and I have really appreciated that and have found it helps me sleep a lot better and generally feel a lot calmer. I was a bit more freaked out today than I was on Friday, because today's interview coincided with starting Norethisterone, which makes IVF seem so real, so I went to the loo just before the interview, thanked Jesus that we can call on him, and welcomed the Holy Spirit's presence... I instantly felt so calm, and now that the interview is over, I feel a bit better about impending IVF as well.
Our little doggy has also been under the weather for a few days; he has a nasty cut to his face which he has been scratching and licking incessantly, so we are getting him a cone this evening! Poor little dude!
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