Stims Day 5 (Menopur and Cetrotide)
First day of Cetrotide. We shoot that up in the tummy! I prefer the leg shots, going to be sticking to doing the Menopur in the thigh.
My tummy is feeling full, bloated, tender... And, well, kinda 'stitchy'. We're have our first scan and bloodwork tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to seeing how things are going and hopefully getting some reassurance!
The physical side effects of Menopur have died down now - no more cold. I'm feeling very emotional today though, and very vulnerable. A little thing set me off earlier, and I've felt emotionally vulnerable since and spent some time sobbing my heart out to God. I'm still not feeling too anxious, just emotionally drained. Our lodger is home for the weekend, and after going to the clinic tomorrow I am planning to chill, spend some quiet restorative time with God, enjoy my lovely hubby and watch some rubbish TV (it's 'Strictly' time of year; could our cycle come at a better time?!).
Friday, 26 October 2012
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Side-Effects
So I've been having trouble with Menopur side effects the past couple of days, so I'm going to write a re-cap tonight of all the side effects of the drugs I've had this cycle.
Menopur
Norethisterone
Microgynon
Provera
I am not a fan of the side effects, but Provera, Microgynon, and Norethisterone have all worked so well to bring on a bleed in my unhelpful body that I'd put up with them again!
Menopur
- Cold symptoms - runny, stuffy nose; sneezing; sinus headache.
- Insomnia (struggling to get to sleep).
- 'Off' food; not feeling hungry as normal.
- Hot flushes.
- Emotional! More tears than normal!
Norethisterone
- Hot flushes.
- Tender, enlarged boobs.
- Bloating.
- Insomnia (waking up at night).
- Bleed arrived 3 days after last pill, was more crampy than normal and started at midday instead of early morning. Normally heavy, fresh blood. Lasted 3 days.
Microgynon
- Tender, enlarged boobs.
- Bloating.
- Spotting/bleeding throughout.
- Emotional/grumpy!
- Bleed arrived 3 days after last pill. Lasted 3 days, fresh blood, and very heavy.
Provera
- Depression/anxiety (after the packet finished). Even felt suicidal night before period!
- Bleed arrived 4 days after last pill, mainly old blood. Heavy for one day, then very light flow that didn't finish and morphed into spotting on Microgynon.
I am not a fan of the side effects, but Provera, Microgynon, and Norethisterone have all worked so well to bring on a bleed in my unhelpful body that I'd put up with them again!
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Intimacy
So, we started our injections yesterday; we've done two injections now. I was a bit anxious before it all started - I didn't sleep much the night before the injections, and had a bit of a panicky moment in the day. But it (the anxiety) was all over really quickly and I felt much better after we'd done the first one, and have been fine since.
I thought I might write tonight about intimacy. Intimacy ties in with dependence, which I wrote about on Sunday, and I've been learning a lot about both through this whole IVF process (and my life is loads better for it! Thanks God!). When we are intimate with God, we are dependent, and in order to be dependent, we have to have intimacy.
I love having a close relationship with God. Sometimes it's not there though, and that's just part of the mystery of faith! Earlier this year I was finding it very difficult to seek His presence... Not feeling His presence was so hard, but what He taught me out of it was invaluable. He showed me how important it is that He is first in our hearts, and how much this impacts our personal, intimate relationships with Him (I had university before Him in my heart). Ezekiel 14:7-8 says:
We can all know the Lord personally and intimately. This has been such a revelation lately - it's something I hear in church all the time, and thought I understood... But now am seeing in whole new ways! Hebrews 8:10-11 says:
We need no intercessors to come before Him. We can speak to Him, and He will listen. He can speak to us - directly - and we can listen. And by far the best way of getting to know someone is to spend time one-on-one with them. During quiet time spent seeking the Lord we are transformed like no other time; He has our full attention during these times. I find it helps to study the Bible before spending quiet time in prayer as it 'readies' my mind.
Recently, I have been focusing on building time devoted to listening to the Lord. I am a total novice at this, but I have found it helpful to create a restful mood by turning the lights off, shutting the curtains, lighting candles, and playing a worship CD really low. I also like to have a notebook and Bible handy, so I can look up any verses and write down things God says. But ultimately all that is necessary is a quiet space. The more time available the better, but I go on the basis that a short amount of time is better than nothing! Doing this has transformed the IVF experience for me... It has also really helped bring fresh hope into my life; hope that isn't dependent on any particular outcome but is in the Lord.
I thought I might write tonight about intimacy. Intimacy ties in with dependence, which I wrote about on Sunday, and I've been learning a lot about both through this whole IVF process (and my life is loads better for it! Thanks God!). When we are intimate with God, we are dependent, and in order to be dependent, we have to have intimacy.
I love having a close relationship with God. Sometimes it's not there though, and that's just part of the mystery of faith! Earlier this year I was finding it very difficult to seek His presence... Not feeling His presence was so hard, but what He taught me out of it was invaluable. He showed me how important it is that He is first in our hearts, and how much this impacts our personal, intimate relationships with Him (I had university before Him in my heart). Ezekiel 14:7-8 says:
When any of the Israelites or any foreigner residing in Israel separate themselves from me and set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet to inquire of me, I theLord will answer them myself. I will set my face against them and make them an example and a byword. I will remove them from my people. Then you will know that I am the Lord.I listened to an online talk on Prophecy by our church leader the other night (listen to it here - dated 19th September 2010). He made the point that relationships flourish with time invested, and wither when neglected - and that our relationship with God is the same. The more time we spend with Him, the better we know Him.
We can all know the Lord personally and intimately. This has been such a revelation lately - it's something I hear in church all the time, and thought I understood... But now am seeing in whole new ways! Hebrews 8:10-11 says:
This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will they teach their neighbor,
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest.
We need no intercessors to come before Him. We can speak to Him, and He will listen. He can speak to us - directly - and we can listen. And by far the best way of getting to know someone is to spend time one-on-one with them. During quiet time spent seeking the Lord we are transformed like no other time; He has our full attention during these times. I find it helps to study the Bible before spending quiet time in prayer as it 'readies' my mind.
Recently, I have been focusing on building time devoted to listening to the Lord. I am a total novice at this, but I have found it helpful to create a restful mood by turning the lights off, shutting the curtains, lighting candles, and playing a worship CD really low. I also like to have a notebook and Bible handy, so I can look up any verses and write down things God says. But ultimately all that is necessary is a quiet space. The more time available the better, but I go on the basis that a short amount of time is better than nothing! Doing this has transformed the IVF experience for me... It has also really helped bring fresh hope into my life; hope that isn't dependent on any particular outcome but is in the Lord.
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Dependence
So... I have some news! Bang on time, a certain madame period showed up today - exactly when the nurses said she would, and exactly when God told me she would (oh me of little faith - how I doubt my body!!).
This means... We.are.starting.IVF.tomorrow. TOMORROW.
TOMORROW
(did I ever mention I have waited five and a half years for this moment?)
Each time my period has arrived this cycle - this is my third 'IVF period' - I have thought I am the happiest I could be to see it show up.
I.was.wrong.
Today I was definitely, 100%, the very happiest and most content I could possibly be to see it show up! Not only does it mean we can start, but... God.does.what.He.says. Last night He told me...today. And here it is. Today.
I still have no idea whether IVF is going to produce a baby for us. God has not revealed this. I would love Him too, but every time I even think of it, all I hear is that He is not showing me because He wants me to grow in faith and dependence upon Him.
Which makes perfect sense.
Eeek.
Dependence.
Something I'm not great at; haven't got much practise at.
Since I became a Christian, life has been... comfortable. It has steadfastly and steadily moved from the place I was - bad - to the place where suddenly I don't look *that* different to other Christians, and my sexual sin isn't weighing on my mind every time I'm in church. To the place where the things needing attention in my daily life are things that seem... smaller.more manageable.more appropriate.more - dare I say it - holy.
And that's where the problem came.
The things needing attention in my daily life are never smaller.never more manageable.never more appropriate.definitely never holy.
That I learned this year.
I started the year feeling...good with God.smug.content. I had another companion, as this had morphed into the killer of all faith - the five year plan.
God loves me. He had clearly demonstrated that by giving me a lovely husband; allowing me to achieve the marks I'd dreamed of at university; giving us a lovely church and small group to settle in... And so on. Clearly, I was in God's favour. He loves to bless me. And He was going to continue to bless me. Everything was going to happen just as I wanted it. I would fall pregnant from IVF. We would move house. I would graduate from my degree. We would have baby. I would stay at home and raise baby as super-mama.
Guess what? ALL that stuff was about ME. My faith had stopped being about what God wanted for me and had become about what I *deserve*.
If I deserve a husband, then I deserve to finish the degree I dropped out of. If I deserve a husband, I deserve to have the fact that I very likely can't have children rectified.
God did a miracle to provide us with even an opportunity for having a child. 50% is loads better than our odds naturally. This wasn't good enough. It had to fit into my box. We.were.blessed. I.would.fall.pregnant.
Then... Something happened. Fear came in. And fear exposed how me-centred my life had become. Somewhere along the line the severity of my PCOS, and the fact that 50% of couples come out of IVF treatment without a child, sunk in... And I remembered... Life is pretty darn awful without God, and I need Him - when times are good, and when times are tough. Always.
If I seem to write a lot about not having children lately, and it seems pessimistic (which it is, as it's very unlikely that IVF wouldn't work and we then wouldn't be able to adopt), it's because of this: not having children did not feature in my life plan. Clearly, I was so favoured by God that this was not a possibility.
So a few weeks ago I took this fear to Him and faced it head on. I wrote this post, about what hope now looked like. Stuff happened, and I wrote this post about how Jesus moves all kinds of mountains, not just the ones we want Him to.
I write about not having children at the moment because actually... if God wants to do that with my life, I'd rather be there, than have the children and be without Him. God's goodness does not depend on me becoming a mother. My happiness does not depend on me becoming a mother. Somehow, along the way, I'd got God mixed up with a baby.
This means... We.are.starting.IVF.tomorrow. TOMORROW.
TOMORROW
(did I ever mention I have waited five and a half years for this moment?)
Each time my period has arrived this cycle - this is my third 'IVF period' - I have thought I am the happiest I could be to see it show up.
I.was.wrong.
Today I was definitely, 100%, the very happiest and most content I could possibly be to see it show up! Not only does it mean we can start, but... God.does.what.He.says. Last night He told me...today. And here it is. Today.
I still have no idea whether IVF is going to produce a baby for us. God has not revealed this. I would love Him too, but every time I even think of it, all I hear is that He is not showing me because He wants me to grow in faith and dependence upon Him.
Which makes perfect sense.
Eeek.
Dependence.
Something I'm not great at; haven't got much practise at.
Since I became a Christian, life has been... comfortable. It has steadfastly and steadily moved from the place I was - bad - to the place where suddenly I don't look *that* different to other Christians, and my sexual sin isn't weighing on my mind every time I'm in church. To the place where the things needing attention in my daily life are things that seem... smaller.more manageable.more appropriate.more - dare I say it - holy.
And that's where the problem came.
The things needing attention in my daily life are never smaller.never more manageable.never more appropriate.definitely never holy.
That I learned this year.
I started the year feeling...good with God.smug.content. I had another companion, as this had morphed into the killer of all faith - the five year plan.
God loves me. He had clearly demonstrated that by giving me a lovely husband; allowing me to achieve the marks I'd dreamed of at university; giving us a lovely church and small group to settle in... And so on. Clearly, I was in God's favour. He loves to bless me. And He was going to continue to bless me. Everything was going to happen just as I wanted it. I would fall pregnant from IVF. We would move house. I would graduate from my degree. We would have baby. I would stay at home and raise baby as super-mama.
Guess what? ALL that stuff was about ME. My faith had stopped being about what God wanted for me and had become about what I *deserve*.
If I deserve a husband, then I deserve to finish the degree I dropped out of. If I deserve a husband, I deserve to have the fact that I very likely can't have children rectified.
God did a miracle to provide us with even an opportunity for having a child. 50% is loads better than our odds naturally. This wasn't good enough. It had to fit into my box. We.were.blessed. I.would.fall.pregnant.
Then... Something happened. Fear came in. And fear exposed how me-centred my life had become. Somewhere along the line the severity of my PCOS, and the fact that 50% of couples come out of IVF treatment without a child, sunk in... And I remembered... Life is pretty darn awful without God, and I need Him - when times are good, and when times are tough. Always.
If I seem to write a lot about not having children lately, and it seems pessimistic (which it is, as it's very unlikely that IVF wouldn't work and we then wouldn't be able to adopt), it's because of this: not having children did not feature in my life plan. Clearly, I was so favoured by God that this was not a possibility.
So a few weeks ago I took this fear to Him and faced it head on. I wrote this post, about what hope now looked like. Stuff happened, and I wrote this post about how Jesus moves all kinds of mountains, not just the ones we want Him to.
I write about not having children at the moment because actually... if God wants to do that with my life, I'd rather be there, than have the children and be without Him. God's goodness does not depend on me becoming a mother. My happiness does not depend on me becoming a mother. Somehow, along the way, I'd got God mixed up with a baby.
Friday, 19 October 2012
Name Meanings
So, just in case you are thinking I think of myself as a light and a prophet ;-), I thought I better write a post explaining the name...
My hubby and I picked boy and girl baby names. 'The prophet' is for the boy's name. We chose 'Samuel' for a boy; Samuel was an Old Testament prophet born to an infertile mother (Hannah) as an answer to prayer: "Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life." (1 Samuel 1:11.) When the baby was born, "She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him.'" (1 Samuel 1:20). Hannah dedicated the baby to God after his birth. The Lord said of Samuel: "I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind. I will firmly establish his house, and he will minister before my anointed one always." (1 Samuel 2:35).
'Light' is the meaning of the girl's name we picked (which is remaining a secret!).
Name meanings are really important to me. My name means 'pure' and I love it. Hubby's name means 'rock' (he is the rock Jesus built his church on!!!) and it perfectly sums him up; he is steady, thoughtful, dependable, considerate, and terribly loyal. My husband is about the most unshakeable person I know. I'm not sure I am pure (lol!!!) but my name really speaks to me of having integrity deep down, seeking the truth, and also of all that Jesus has made and is making me - who has such a tarnished past.
I love the name Samuel because of how it came to us. We chose Samuel because it fits nicely with our surname... And we wanted a 'normal' name, but also a serious name, for a boy. I looked up the meaning after we thought of it and saw it means 'God heard', which is perfect, so we knew it was for us. At the time I was starting a Bible study plan. A couple of months later, we were finally referred to the IVF clinic, and that weekend I had the story of Samuel's conception in my Bible plan. It was a complete revelation as neither of us had any idea it had anything to do with infertility! The whole thing fit so perfectly, and it made this little boy so real to me, because I knew God is intending him. And then I knew that if we have a little boy at any point, we will call him Samuel - that it is a name given to us for a son - because God heard, and He is faithful through the ages - the same God that heard and spoke to Hannah all those years ago hears and speaks to me :). To be able to dedicate my son to the Lord, and to have him grow up knowing the Lord and to stay true to Him as Samuel did, is all I would want for my son. It was quite strange reading about Samuel in the Bible because I felt I was reading about my son!!!
I love my name and I wanted a name quite like mine - quirky and old-fashioned, with a beautiful meaning - for a girl. The girl's name came to us after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing (I liked 'Connie', my hubby did not like Connie!), and when I looked up the meaning, it felt right, because 'light' is God, 'light' is Jesus, 'light' is hope, and 'light' is everything I'd wish for my daughter... That she wouldn't experience the darkness I have; that she would know the light, and be a light to others around her. Since we chose it, I keep hearing this one song called after her, and then recently a second song has popped up, so I think it is for us... But I don't feel we have had the confirmation we have had with 'Samuel', so I don't want to 'wed' myself to the name but leave it open for God (hence keeping it a secret!).
I don't know whether we'll have our babies or not, but God showed me earlier this year that they are really real and living with Him, waiting to see if they come to us or not - and that the reason they might not come is because we live in a fallen world, and not because God didn't intend for us/me to have children. And since He showed me that I have been able to see them so clearly. I really wanted to remember that they are real and commemorate their existence, even if only I know they exist, which is why I so named the blog. Even if they never come to earth, I will always remember them and think of them living with Jesus... And maybe one day we would meet in heaven, and they will be everything I hoped for them :).
My hubby and I picked boy and girl baby names. 'The prophet' is for the boy's name. We chose 'Samuel' for a boy; Samuel was an Old Testament prophet born to an infertile mother (Hannah) as an answer to prayer: "Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life." (1 Samuel 1:11.) When the baby was born, "She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him.'" (1 Samuel 1:20). Hannah dedicated the baby to God after his birth. The Lord said of Samuel: "I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind. I will firmly establish his house, and he will minister before my anointed one always." (1 Samuel 2:35).
'Light' is the meaning of the girl's name we picked (which is remaining a secret!).
Name meanings are really important to me. My name means 'pure' and I love it. Hubby's name means 'rock' (he is the rock Jesus built his church on!!!) and it perfectly sums him up; he is steady, thoughtful, dependable, considerate, and terribly loyal. My husband is about the most unshakeable person I know. I'm not sure I am pure (lol!!!) but my name really speaks to me of having integrity deep down, seeking the truth, and also of all that Jesus has made and is making me - who has such a tarnished past.
I love the name Samuel because of how it came to us. We chose Samuel because it fits nicely with our surname... And we wanted a 'normal' name, but also a serious name, for a boy. I looked up the meaning after we thought of it and saw it means 'God heard', which is perfect, so we knew it was for us. At the time I was starting a Bible study plan. A couple of months later, we were finally referred to the IVF clinic, and that weekend I had the story of Samuel's conception in my Bible plan. It was a complete revelation as neither of us had any idea it had anything to do with infertility! The whole thing fit so perfectly, and it made this little boy so real to me, because I knew God is intending him. And then I knew that if we have a little boy at any point, we will call him Samuel - that it is a name given to us for a son - because God heard, and He is faithful through the ages - the same God that heard and spoke to Hannah all those years ago hears and speaks to me :). To be able to dedicate my son to the Lord, and to have him grow up knowing the Lord and to stay true to Him as Samuel did, is all I would want for my son. It was quite strange reading about Samuel in the Bible because I felt I was reading about my son!!!
I love my name and I wanted a name quite like mine - quirky and old-fashioned, with a beautiful meaning - for a girl. The girl's name came to us after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing (I liked 'Connie', my hubby did not like Connie!), and when I looked up the meaning, it felt right, because 'light' is God, 'light' is Jesus, 'light' is hope, and 'light' is everything I'd wish for my daughter... That she wouldn't experience the darkness I have; that she would know the light, and be a light to others around her. Since we chose it, I keep hearing this one song called after her, and then recently a second song has popped up, so I think it is for us... But I don't feel we have had the confirmation we have had with 'Samuel', so I don't want to 'wed' myself to the name but leave it open for God (hence keeping it a secret!).
I don't know whether we'll have our babies or not, but God showed me earlier this year that they are really real and living with Him, waiting to see if they come to us or not - and that the reason they might not come is because we live in a fallen world, and not because God didn't intend for us/me to have children. And since He showed me that I have been able to see them so clearly. I really wanted to remember that they are real and commemorate their existence, even if only I know they exist, which is why I so named the blog. Even if they never come to earth, I will always remember them and think of them living with Jesus... And maybe one day we would meet in heaven, and they will be everything I hoped for them :).
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Injection Tutorial
Today is CD28 and day 10 of Norethisterone! Yippee that's the final day!!!!!
Today we had our injection tutorial. It lasted half an hour and was with one of the Care nurses (who was lovely!). Doing the injection is FAR more complicated than I imagined; there are so many different steps! So glad hubby is doing them not me as his memory is really good - mine is shocking and I'd never remember it all.
He did a practise injection on me without any medication in the syringe, so the nurse could check his technique. The needle is TINY - about the smallest needle imaginable, it's smaller than a sewing pin. It's really easy to break so we have to be careful!
I am starting with Menopur injections (a 'gentle' dose due to my high antral follicle count) on CD2 of my next bleed. We have to do those daily after 3pm, and we are planning to do them at 7pm, when hubby will definitely be home from work.
On CD6 (day 5 of injections) I add in a daily Cetrodide injection. Cetrodide is used with women on a short protocol such as me. We do this at the same time as the Menopur injection.
I can choose whether to have Menopur in the stomach or thigh, and I'm going for thigh. Cetrodide has to go into the stomach so it will mean less bruising in one particular area that way.
The Menopur and Cetrodide injections are subcutaneous, which means they go into the skin, not the muscle.
I will be injecting Menopur for between 8-14 days.
My period can come any time from tomorrow, but is expected to come between 2-5 days after last Norethisterone tablet (today).
Quite excited now!!!
Today we had our injection tutorial. It lasted half an hour and was with one of the Care nurses (who was lovely!). Doing the injection is FAR more complicated than I imagined; there are so many different steps! So glad hubby is doing them not me as his memory is really good - mine is shocking and I'd never remember it all.
He did a practise injection on me without any medication in the syringe, so the nurse could check his technique. The needle is TINY - about the smallest needle imaginable, it's smaller than a sewing pin. It's really easy to break so we have to be careful!
I am starting with Menopur injections (a 'gentle' dose due to my high antral follicle count) on CD2 of my next bleed. We have to do those daily after 3pm, and we are planning to do them at 7pm, when hubby will definitely be home from work.
On CD6 (day 5 of injections) I add in a daily Cetrodide injection. Cetrodide is used with women on a short protocol such as me. We do this at the same time as the Menopur injection.
I can choose whether to have Menopur in the stomach or thigh, and I'm going for thigh. Cetrodide has to go into the stomach so it will mean less bruising in one particular area that way.
The Menopur and Cetrodide injections are subcutaneous, which means they go into the skin, not the muscle.
I will be injecting Menopur for between 8-14 days.
My period can come any time from tomorrow, but is expected to come between 2-5 days after last Norethisterone tablet (today).
Quite excited now!!!
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Small Group, IVF Progress, and My Mum
We had our small group (weekly church group) round to ours tonight for a social. It was such a privilege to cook for everyone and show them where we live; our small group has such amazing people in it and we are really blessed. After we ate we played Balderdash, which is great to play for laughs; it was really lovely to laugh and relax with everyone and to see how much our friendships have developed since we first met on the Alpha course a year ago!
One of the girls has been having trouble with her ankle; she had a tendon injury that was inhibiting her movement and stopping her from exercising. Last week at small group she had prayer for it, and this week she reported that since she received prayer, her ankle has been completely healed! God is so good!!!!
God has done amazing things in this lady's life. When she and her husband came to the Alpha course they were separated. They got back together last Christmas as a result of doing Alpha and finding faith! It's so fun to follow what God does in peoples' lives.
I am struggling a bit this week with Norethisterone side effects: hot flushes, insomnia, giant boobs (!!!) & bloating. I feel so exhausted today. My wee smelled and I had period pain last week, but that has died down now. Tomorrow is my last day on this drug and I am really excited to get off it! It really hasn't been bad apart from the last couple of days though, so pretty lucky really. I am just about the most impatient/intolerant person though, so anything that is bad in that moment is THE WORST THING EVER, and that's how I feel right now ;D.
And tomorrow we have our INJECTION TUTORIAL: so excited it is unreal. Actually, properly, getting a little bit giddy excited. I'm not quite sure why; it's only the tutorial I'm so excited about, the thoughts of the injections don't fill me with such glee - although I am surprisingly quite looking forward to that too. I used to be such a wimp about EVERYTHING (put off my BCG injection for three years, no lie!), reckon I'm getting hard as nails thanks to teeth/mental health/reproductive insanity. It probably sounds a really small thing but I am so grateful to God for taking away all that fear I had around even really small medical procedures. He makes us so free!!!
And speaking of freedom, had THE BEST time with my Mum this weekend. Having my Dad was quite stressful and I was really dreading having Mum right afterwards: we have so much bad blood between us, and we are really trying at our relationship this year, which is an amazing blessing and privilege - but also hard work. But instead my time with her was the opposite of draining, and I can really see the hard work we are putting into our relationship paying off. It makes me really emotional that she would put so much love and effort into our relationship when we have not always got on naturally and I have been such a sh*t to her over the years. I feel so hopeful for our future. This year has been the first year EVER (well, in my living memory) that we have not had a fight! And it would never just be one fight, it would be constant bickering plus a couple of really nasty arguments (at least). This year - not even a bicker. Not a single one! I would say that my relationship with my Mum is where I most see evidence of God changing my life, and changing me, because it is such a intimate and personal thing.
One of the girls has been having trouble with her ankle; she had a tendon injury that was inhibiting her movement and stopping her from exercising. Last week at small group she had prayer for it, and this week she reported that since she received prayer, her ankle has been completely healed! God is so good!!!!
God has done amazing things in this lady's life. When she and her husband came to the Alpha course they were separated. They got back together last Christmas as a result of doing Alpha and finding faith! It's so fun to follow what God does in peoples' lives.
I am struggling a bit this week with Norethisterone side effects: hot flushes, insomnia, giant boobs (!!!) & bloating. I feel so exhausted today. My wee smelled and I had period pain last week, but that has died down now. Tomorrow is my last day on this drug and I am really excited to get off it! It really hasn't been bad apart from the last couple of days though, so pretty lucky really. I am just about the most impatient/intolerant person though, so anything that is bad in that moment is THE WORST THING EVER, and that's how I feel right now ;D.
And tomorrow we have our INJECTION TUTORIAL: so excited it is unreal. Actually, properly, getting a little bit giddy excited. I'm not quite sure why; it's only the tutorial I'm so excited about, the thoughts of the injections don't fill me with such glee - although I am surprisingly quite looking forward to that too. I used to be such a wimp about EVERYTHING (put off my BCG injection for three years, no lie!), reckon I'm getting hard as nails thanks to teeth/mental health/reproductive insanity. It probably sounds a really small thing but I am so grateful to God for taking away all that fear I had around even really small medical procedures. He makes us so free!!!
And speaking of freedom, had THE BEST time with my Mum this weekend. Having my Dad was quite stressful and I was really dreading having Mum right afterwards: we have so much bad blood between us, and we are really trying at our relationship this year, which is an amazing blessing and privilege - but also hard work. But instead my time with her was the opposite of draining, and I can really see the hard work we are putting into our relationship paying off. It makes me really emotional that she would put so much love and effort into our relationship when we have not always got on naturally and I have been such a sh*t to her over the years. I feel so hopeful for our future. This year has been the first year EVER (well, in my living memory) that we have not had a fight! And it would never just be one fight, it would be constant bickering plus a couple of really nasty arguments (at least). This year - not even a bicker. Not a single one! I would say that my relationship with my Mum is where I most see evidence of God changing my life, and changing me, because it is such a intimate and personal thing.
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