In which PGD is saving me

Well, I've seen a few of these synchroblog type things around lately (I've not really been looking at blogs for very long at all!), and I thought, why not give this one a go? There is something I'm very thankful for, and I want to speak out about it. But I'm also scared - about making this not an unknown, anonymous place. (Actually this place and the places of others have been saving my life this week! But that's not what sprang into my heart to write about.)

What is saving my life right now?

A magical bundle of hope, grace, life, and opportunity; all found for me at CARE fertility in Nottingham. And in particular these events of the past few weeks:

• A man called Dave Gifford (I hope it's ok to write his name here!) who works for the East Midlands PCT or somesuch and was kind enough to email me quickly and personally with the news that having PCOS does not bar us from unlimited funding for IVF PGD (due to my balanced translocation). His kindness and generosity of spirit means so much.
• The family we met at church who have walked our road already.
• And then the miraculous news at our first appointment at CARE (June 21st) that unlimited funding is not limited to one child. And that we can begin 'right away'.

My world has changed so much since June 21st that it is now unrecognisable! I am so grateful that we may be able to have Light and Prophet.  Was I really 'ok' with having one child? How much wider I can dream now! Was I really ok with waiting for up to 6 months for them to develop a probe? Now I am struggling to wait a few weeks for my period to come!

I am active in a facebook forum for my particular translocation, and I know women there who feel strongly that PGD isn't 'Christian', as do others, and so I struggle to be bold in my choice and brave in writing about it. It is not for me to say what is right and wrong. I don't know God's mind and I don't claim to.

(I will write about my thoughts about the ethical issues around PGD sometime, but I don't have any answers.)  

I pray, as Thomas Merton prayed, that "the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing." 

I hope that our belief that He has been leading us here is in fact correct. And if it isn't, I hope it doesn't upset Him too much. Because with how much our lives have changed in the past month or so, it is hard not to believe more than ever that this surely must be God's plan for our lives.

Thank you so much Lord for blessing us with such abundance. If this isn't the path you have for us, I hope that I will be able to give it back to you with grace, trust, and hope, however impossible that may seem right now. But I am so grateful that this thing is being done in our lives. The ability to hope and dream that is coming out of this is saving me. 

Thank you Lord, that you are blessing us in this way. I pray with all of my heart that this blessing would be available to all heart-mothers in this world. I pray that my translocation sisters in other counties and in other countries, specifically those in America where medical care costs so much, would have the opportunity to be blessed in this way if they so desire. 

I thank you for this new thing, and I honestly struggle to believe that anything that feels like this does could be wrong.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Linked with Sarah Bessey at http://sarahbessey.com/in-which-we-are-saved-synchroblog/