On why babies are also OK

So right after I posted last night, I realised I needed to write a follow-up post, because babies aren't only a source of pain for me; far from it.

When I read stories, such as this one, of hope and triumph over infertility - whether the couple has biological or adopted children - these stories bless me, give me hope, and a deep sense of joy for the family, even though I don't know them.

I have online friends in the infertility/genetic cyber worlds, and hearing of one of these friend's pregnancies  gives a much greater sense of joy even than a pregnancy in the 'real' world, even one I am really happy about; because I have an idea of what that person might have experienced (only an idea, because my experiences are really different both to genetic friends and infertile friends), and all seems right with the world. A genetic friend announced a very early pregnancy last week and it is this that prompted me to write this post, because for her there was only excitement and pure joy. To be honest, being human about it, I think a lot of whether I am happy or jealous at a pregnancy announcement in these circles (as with any other circle) depends on how well I know and like the person.

But even 'normal' babies aren't always a source of pain. Our small group leader has a tiny baby boy and I have never felt sad holding him or being around her when she was pregnant. I don't know why that is. There are friends I am much closer to whose pregnancies and babies cause pain, so it's not that I especially know or feel close to this woman or her baby. I just don't feel sad around them.

By contrast - smallest niece, and hubby's best friends' youngest baby... Source of joy and pain intermingled. Maybe because I'm closer to them. Maybe because some of these couples' children were 'accidents', I don't know.

But again there is no rule, because 'accidents' aren't always upsetting. A friend fell pregnant with her now son in her first year of marriage by accident and I was only happy and excited for her. They live overseas so I've only got to spend time with him one time, over a few days, but once again he did not prove a source of pain at all - loved spending time with him (he was a baby then).

I don't know why for some women I can only be jealous, while others provoke a mixture of joy and sadness, and others again I am only happy for. But it has been the case. There seem to be no hard and fast rules in my fertility zone.

I heard today that the genetic friend has lost her baby, so I wondered about writing this, as obviously that sense of joy for her as gone, and I am left wondering why these things happen: she 'deserves' a happy pregnancy and another child so much. But there you go; these things do happen. Ours not to reason why, even though we try.